The Lawyer’s Well-Being Brief. . .The Empty Boat and the Practice of Well-Being

“Self-esteem is the ability to see yourself as a flawed individual and still hold yourself in regard.”-Esther Perel

Welcome (back) to the Lawyer’s Well-Being Brief! Each week, I share insights and practical strategies to help us cultivate well-being and thrive — both personally and professionally. Live well! Lawyer well!

The Monk and the Empty Boat

A monk goes out onto a lake in a small wooden boat to meditate. He settles in, closes his eyes, and allows the rhythm of the water to carry him into stillness. Hours pass in uninterrupted silence, a deep calm taking root.

Then suddenly — thud. His boat jolts violently as another boat crashes into the side.

Without opening his eyes, irritation flares. Who would do such a thing? Can’t they see me here? How dare they disturb my meditation? The monk’s mind races with judgment and blame, his peace broken by a surge of anger.

Finally, he opens his eyes, prepared to scold the careless intruder. But to his surprise, the boat is empty. It had come untied from the dock and drifted aimlessly into his.

In an instant, his anger dissolves. How can you be angry at an empty boat?

The Empty Boat Mindset

This story is a powerful metaphor for life and well-being. So often, we experience people or situations as though they are deliberately colliding with us — an impatient driver cutting us off, a harsh word from a colleague, a disappointment we didn’t see coming. Our first instinct is often to take it personally, to assign blame, to let frustration tighten its grip on us.

But what if we could approach these moments the way the monk did when he saw the empty boat? What if we realized that most of the time, it isn’t really about us? The other driver might be rushing to an emergency. The colleague might be carrying stress we know nothing about. The setback might simply be life’s current drifting in another direction.

When we view situations through this lens, our well-being shifts. Stress loosens its hold. Anger fades before it consumes us. We gain space to respond with patience, compassion, or simply acceptance.

Practicing this mindset is not about ignoring problems or excusing poor behavior — it’s about protecting our own peace. Each time we remind ourselves, this boat is empty, we reclaim the energy that would have been wasted on resentment, and redirect it toward growth, connection, and clarity.

How to Apply the Empty Boat Mindset in Daily Life

1. Pause Before Reacting
   When irritation rises, take a breath. That short pause creates space between the event and your response.

2. Ask, “Could this be an empty boat?”
   Instead of assuming bad intent, remind yourself the situation may not be personal. Often, others are acting out of their own struggles, not against you.

3. Reframe the Story
   Shift from “They did this to me” to “Something happened, and I can choose how to respond.”

4. Practice Compassion
   Imagine what unseen pressures the other person may be carrying. Extending empathy reduces anger and increases connection.

5. Let Go to Protect Your Peace
   You don’t control every boat that drifts your way, but you do control whether you hold on to the collision or release it.

Final Thoughts

When life bumps into our boat, remember: we can’t stop every collision, but we can choose to keep our inner calm intact. The more often we practice seeing the “empty boat,” the steadier and lighter our well-being becomes.

Forward Always!